He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
