Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
