I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
