You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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