I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
