I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
