R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
