Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
