i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He? As in you personified your dick?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
