Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
