i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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