I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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