Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
