If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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