I cannot find my penis.
This girl is more easily done than said...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
