I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
