Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
