somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
