somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it hurts more in the daytime
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
