i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
