in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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