You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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