What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
