I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
