Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
