i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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