just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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