Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
