I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
