I must be too annoying 4 u.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
