Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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