whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
