Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize