arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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