After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
