There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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