First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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