when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize