My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
