Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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