you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
