If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
