Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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