yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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