Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
