my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize