I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
