bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
