so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just high enough for therapy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
