he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
