Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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