You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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