Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
