According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this hospital has no fireball
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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