So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
