I think my vagina is haunted
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
