I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize