There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
