The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dick very happy bro
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize