I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
