Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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