New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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