new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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