i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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