I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
