even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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