the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
