I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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